You have been given this greeting card:
Because every other card made me want to puke.
Because it's cheaper than buying you a gift.
To break it to you the Santa isn't actually real.
To make you and others feel obliged to buy me one so I'll look popular.
To forewarn you I'll be inappropriately groping you under the mistletoe.
To explain that even though I don't believe in the commercialisation of Christmas and actually deeply resent having to buy a token greeting to satisfy a global delusion that's based on a lie, social convention means I must send you a card.
Code: KMK XHONEST